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Sunday, January 20, 2013

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How do you say to a person, nicely, politely, in a way that won't offend "I don't want a cheerleading section right now. I just want to express that I'm angry/frustrated/worried/all of the above without you telling me that everything is hunky-dory and I don't' have anything to be angry/frustrated/worried/all of the above about."

I've never been a big fan of the relationship experts who tell you how to respond in any given situation. When you're supposed to be empathetic, when you're supposed to be sympathetic, when you're supposed to give 'tough love'.....I basically think that these pearls of wisdom are offered more to sell books than to actually help anyone. Plus, obviously, there's not any one piece of advice that fits 100% of the population 100% of the time.

But here's a hint. If I say to you "something worries me" don't blow it off as though I'm an ungrateful fool for even thinking, much less expressing, my sentiments. If you don't have anything constructive to say (and, to be honest, most people can't really help someone else work through their issues), say "I hear you" or "I can imagine" or "it must be pretty aggravating" or ....oh, I don't know, I could write a list of optional comments.

If, however, you really want to be a friend, try to figure out a way to validate my feelings without making me feel like an idiot for even thinking something that isn't all sunshine and smiles.


Now, if I could figure out how to say that in 200 pages or so, I might have a best-seller on my hands.

2 comments:

mikimi said...

As a follower and a friend-I hope I have not offended you in any way or that this post is directed towards me.
I usually look to you for advice as I don't see you as having made the mistakes in life that I have.

Laurie said...

No, it's a habit of someone who I see once in awhile. Not a great habit, I believe