The culmination of the 3 weeks of mourning in the Jewish calender is Tisha b'Av, a fast day, and by the evening, when we sit down to eat, we really feel like we've been through the wringer. The last 9 days are no-meat days (not hard for us, because we mostly eat dairy anyway), no pool, no showers (for some -- we have never been able to get through that), no laundry......so right after the fast, when everything is wide open once again, it's a tremendous feeling of renewal. Of course, one can't help but to reflect on how many people don't have that renewal.....just as in our history, there were days, months, and years of no easing of the harsh conditions that people lived (and still do) under. How many people never had a meal to sit down to after a day of fasting? How many people still don't?
One of my biggest struggles is to get past that constant worry about what will be tomorrow (mostly when I wake up at 3:00a.m. thinking about my bank account, what's coming in, what needs to go out, and how it's going to balance) and live the day. It's something that I need to learn, to learn that I can control what I can control, and what I can't control needs to be left to Whoever Does Control.
The days after Tisha B'Av, it's a bit easier.....after such intense controls on our lives, it's easier to just say "OK, this year I was able to afford pool membership for my kids, so yalla.....let 'em go and don't drive yourself nuts over feeling guilty about everyone else.
So, if anyone is looking for us, we'll be at the pool this afternoon.
Another bunch of thoughts that keep me awake at 3:00a.m. is everything that I need to do during the next few weeks. Son #1 is getting married, and there's a lot to do. I still need a hat and shoes, need to work out the girls' hair issue, need to prepare for the bride's henna (I'm frantically polling my Sepharadi friends, since it's a Sepharadi custom, about what I need to prepare), need to cook for the Shabbat after the wedding (I'll have guests who have traveled from all over the world, and I have to feed them!) and organize who's coming for the wedding and who is staying over, and where they're staying.....
Anyway, this afternoon.....the pool!